Google and their henchpersons have rejected my blog as a medium for their advertising. Here's why:
"It's our goal to provide our advertisers sites that offer rich and meaningful content . . . . . We believe that currently your site does not fulfill this criteria".
This criteria? This bloody criteria? I would accept "These criteria", or even "This criterion" but not sheer bloody illiteracy. Why is there never a pedantic Polish grammarian around when you need one? And why is there no bloody preposition before "our advertisers"? And why don't they learn to spell "fulfil" properly?
They go on to say: "Your site does not comply with Google AdSense policies or webmaster quality guidelines." OK . . . well . . . now . . . . I might have to concede that one. I may have been a little desensitised to profane language as a result of the company I have been keeping. But it's still a load of fucking bullshit - simply speaking - for example - et cetera, et cetera.
So if you want to give something to Susan Aitchison to get bright Ethiopian kids off the streets and into university, you're going to have to put your hands in your pockets and get in touch with me. Seriously, if you are looking for something to do with your undeserved wonga, and if you want to see exactly who it goes to, and exactly how it changes their desperate life chances, and exactly how it will help improve the economy of a shit-poor country, and if you want to know that every single penny ends up in the kids' empty hands - give it a go.
You're not going to live forever, you'll probably die with money in the Bank, and if there's an afterlife you may be struggling to find some good deeds you can lay claim to when you reach the pearly gates (the gates of heaven that is, not the gates of Purley). When the recording angel looks in the direction of your trembling pointing finger and sees an Ethiopian doctor doing something marvellous, who otherwise would have been cleaning shoes and probably dying in the gutter - he's going to look at you and break into a radiant smile and clasp you to his bosom.
Where else can you get all of that for a few paltry quid? There are no tax breaks yet, but it should get UK charity status soon. If not, in the immortal words of Victor Kiam (google him if you're under 50, or some sort of foreign Johnny), I'll give you your money back. I wonder if he's wishing he had done a bit more for his fellow man while he had the chance. Too late now Victor me old mate.